Well, well, well … fancy that, a Granite State cougar sighting, this one by none other than a New Hampshire Fish and Game Department (NHFG) official responding to a reported — yeeeup, you guessed it — cougar sighting. The way this potentially hot story with legs ran its short, uneventful course underscores the absurdity of “official responses” to 21st century New England cougar sightings.

Our latest Northeastern “mountain lion” tale occurred in Barnstead, N.H., an hour or so east and slightly north of the capital city, Concord. Not surprisingly, New Hampshire Fish and Wildlife spokespeople are saying little, very little, in fact, only that: “Mountain lions are known to exist in the wild in states no closer than Iowa and Florida, so it is not thought to be a dispersing wild animal, but rather is most likely an illegally released pet.”

Hmmmmm? Well, I guess that’s what they always say, ain’t it?

So let’s dig deeper, take a look at this story, and evaluate the official response, one often repeated in recent years; also one that only a fool could accept without scratching his or her head in bewilderment. Think of it. Despite the fact that a wildlife official employed by NHFG responded to a cougar call and actually saw one, the state agency is distancing itself, denying even the remotest possibility that this big cat could be a wild traveler passing through from parts unknown, maybe even seeking a place to settle down. Impossible, they say. Why? Because: “Mountain lions were extirpated from their range in the eastern United States by the late 1800s, with the exception of the endangered Florida panther,” states the NHFG press release to quickly put a lid on the story, one that drew media scrutiny from Boston, Worcester and beyond, places interested in cougar sightings because similar ones have occurred in their own backyards.

It seems wildlife officials, the ones we pay to evaluate such occurrences, want no part of any cougar sighting — zero — always falling back on that same, threadbare escaped-pet theory, which, of course, makes a lot of sense to all of us. We know full well there are pet mountain lions everywhere; next door, around the corner, just down the road, you name it, they’re there. Absolutely. So don’t bury your head in the sand.

Hey, and while we’re at it, did you know mountain lions can make great pets with proper handling? Don’t we all know someone who owns a pet cougar? Haven’t we all seen the bespectacled, little old lady walking her leashed cougar past the house, plastic bag dangling from her free hand, nervously looking at the ground, anywhere but eye-contact with passersby or homeowners trimming the hedges as her feline squats next to the mailbox? Of course. Where have you been? Open your eyes, Dude.

Anyway, NHFG was so determined to stop this latest story dead in its tracks that it promptly marched its top dog, none other than Wildlife Division Chief Steve Weber, to send out the agency smokescreen. “Survival of this type of animal is typically extremely low,” he said in the press release, “as they normally do not have the developed abilities to catch prey on a consistent basis, and/or may have been de-clawed. If the animal does survive, we would expect to collect hard evidence of its existence in the form of a pictures, tracks, scat and/or DNA evidence.”

Before we proceed, let us not forget that before the turn of the 21st century, just such DNA evidence was discovered at the Quabbin. That tell-tale site included a buried beaver carcass and lots of wildcat scat, which was professionally collected, then analyzed by two nationally known labs. The analysis revealed Eastern cougar DNA; you know, the same species press releases keep telling us was “extirpated more than a century ago in these parts.”

The Quabbin case is the only “indisputable” evidence thus far uncovered to prove cougar presence here. But there is other “pretty convincing” evidence, including the most recent. Another was the two Acton cops who saw a cougar with their own eyes and documented it in separate police reports after responding to a late-night cougar complaint. How could it be clearer that no matter who sees a cougar, the official word is going to be a pathetic denial that it couldn’t possibly have been one; or, better still, if it was indeed a cougar, then it wasn’t wild?

For anyone unfamiliar with the many other cougar sightings I’ve chronicled over the years, they’re all right here, all of them occurring over the past five years. And do you know what? There were many concurrent reports I didn’t write about for one reason or another.

If all these sightings and official denials don’t stir your curiosity, or maybe even make you a tad suspicious, then it’s time to disconnect the feeding tube … pronto.