Simple Diversions

The foliage is aflame, a chill’s in the air and woodstoves are belching smoke as white pines shed their long needles in blustery winds, depositing roadside mounds for mulch gatherers buttoning down their blueberry patches for winter. Yes, hunting season is upon us. Time to get my shotgun ready.

Actually, I’ve been at the chore since midday Saturday, when I returned home from the gunsmith with my favorite upland-bird-hunting gun, a petite Jean Breuil 16-gauge side-by-side made by skilled French craftsmen in Saint Etienne before World War II. Of the classic English straight-stock style, the quick-pointing double is a joy to carry, fast and effective, fits like a lambskin glove during reflexive mounts to my left shoulder. It’s that familiar raise, point, swing and fire; always ready to drop my forefinger onto the back trigger for long-range shots. Oh, how I love those double triggers, much quicker than the cumbersome modern barrel-selectors built into the safeties of single-trigger doubles. And it’ll all start Saturday, if I decide to brave the maddening opening-day crowds. But first I must focus on gun
preparation, waxing it over and over again, cleaning it, oiling it, labors of love.

I’m sure there are those who’ll argue that there are better ways to polish a sporting weapon. To heck with them. I’m locked in, a creature of habit who favors paste-wax protection. For me, it requires the application and buffing of several thin coats. It’s a tedious process that could be accomplished in a day, I suppose. But, for me, the routine takes many days.

My choice. I want to give the wax a chance to harden between applications, ultimately producing a hard protective sheen that brings luster to the wood and barrels, which glisten from afar like a diamond in dry, unruly, sun-splashed coverts, pollen dust tickling your nostrils, irritating your throat.

My choice of wax is Boston Polish, the same stuff I use on antique furniture and wooden floors. The white wax also works. Once a good base is down, a quick touch-up maintains the finish after a robust day afield, wet or dry, windy or calm, cold or warm. My waxing procedure can’t differ much from that of others. I use old, velvety cotton sheets, the softer the better, torn into 12-inch squares, folded in half, then half again. A pile of six rags rests underneath my wax can on a shelf above my interior cellar stairs. A seventh wax-saturated rag stays sealed inside the can.

Before I start polishing, I warm the can next to the woodstove for an hour or more to soften the application rag before spreading a thin coat over the entire gun. Then I stand the weapon against the wall for five or ten minutes to dry before polishing. Sometimes I leave the final coat on overnight, then buff it out in the morning and repeat the process several times during the day, increasing the shine and protection with each layer. Wax breaks down fast with hand contact or rain, but you can stay ahead of decomposition with due diligence.

Once the wax dries and the polishing begins, I start rubbing back and forth or up and down with the oldest, tackiest sheets, one in each hand, cleaning any accumulation of wax from grooves and crevices, blowing away any wax dust that may appear. Occasionally, I’ll even wrap the cloth around a straight screwdriver blade to lightly remove stubborn wax along the inner rib between the barrels. I begin step two of the three-step polishing process with the third and fourth cloths, softer and less tacky, then finish with the fifth and sixth buffing cloths, softer and cleaner still. At the end of each season, I throw out the application rag in the can and replace it with the tackiest of my six polishing cloths, replacing that cloth on the shelf with a fresh one from the pantry rag bag. It works for me, a routine perfected over the years, which are adding up fast.

Once my gun is polished to my satisfaction, I clean the inner barrels, dragging a freshly coated oil bob through on the final withdrawal. I then place tiny drops of oil here and there, working them into moving parts for protective lubrication. That final step will probably occur Friday night. Then the weapon will be ready for many joyful romps through gnarly autumn wetlands.

I’m finally supplied with appropriate shotgun shells as well. Two cases of 2½-inch No. 6’s and 7’s from RST Classic Shotshell Co. arrived at my door Tuesday night. I used to shoot Gamebores in my sweet 16 and have been searching for a suitable replacement ever since my Maine supplier went out of business several years ago. I discovered RSTs in the Ruffed Grouse Society’s quarterly magazine. I was pleased to find the Spring 2010 edition at Burlington, Vt.’s, Fletcher-Allen hospital. I figure the magazine was left there by a gentleman hunter from the cardiac-surgery team.

I do hope that unexpected discovery won’t be the only good news that comes my way out of Fletcher-Allen. Twenty-eight-year-old son Gary, father of two young boys, is still there, fighting for his life, slowly making gains in the ICU, recuperating from 17 brutal hours of complicated, Sept. 24 open-heart surgery gone bad. It was no one’s fault, just happened. They couldn’t stop the surgical bleeding, needed 40 units of blood, some arriving by emergency helicopter, a slice of horrible  luck. They say he’s now on a long road to recovery; too long and windy for me.

This medical family nightmare relegates my gun-polishing chores to minuscule indeed, a tiny pebble on the ocean floor. Call the gun work a welcome diversion, a distraction from a bleak, haunting reality. I’ve said it before and will say it again: There is no pain like reality. That, I have always believed. Now I’m living it, grappling with it, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, reduced to a pitiful, bony tramp pleading for a whiff of Nature’s mercy. Lying to yourself does no good, just compounds matters.

I don’t intend to beg and weep and wail, or tear out my hair. And I will not pray.

For what? To whom?

No, I’ll just hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and pin foreboding gloom’s throat to my woodshed wall, maybe even extract a clear dab of pure optimism.

Why succumb to despair when hope is alive?

My faith is my son, his will to live and carry on.

Whispers and Roars

Although I stopped fishing many years ago, primarily because my schedule doesn’t permit it, I have not lost my love for running water — brooks and streams and rivers that in many ways symbolize life’s ebbs and flows and eddies, those random midstream pockets formed by natural obstacles disrupting the current and creating a calm, swirling refuge amid turbulent waters.

Haven’t we all taken shelter in such sanctuaries to avoid dangerous rapids or punishing winds? And what hip-booted trout hunter hasn’t caught plump fish at the backside of these gentle, foamy lairs, shaded by large, sturdy boulders. You visit them first from April to July, then during heavy summer rains that color the streams brown and make fish invisible? Those rains never came this year, not once to my recollection, and many small mountain spring brooks ran dry, according to those I’ve spoken to on both sides of the Connecticut River. One source, a cordwood vendor, took to feeding wild squaretails a month or so ago in a tiny stream near his Colrain home; found many dead, felt bad for them. Wouldn’t you think the fish would have migrated to a larger stream where they could ride out the drought? Yes, but some stuck around too long and got trapped in secluded tombs. I didn’t witness the sad sight with my own eyes but was told of it by more than one man. I believed what I was told, based on what I had seen of familiar streams.

Despite my fishing dormancy, I still often think of trout and the free-flowing streams they inhabit, my backyard brook a constant reminder. Named Hinsdale Brook after the family that built my fork-in-the-road tavern, it’s a Green River tributary whose centerline marks the northern boundary of my home lot. I stay in daily touch with the forces of nature by monitoring that stream’s flow, listening to its many voices. I watch it clog with ice in winter—distant gurgling muffled deep within—before melting into a roaring torrent with the first spring rains. It then settles down and drops to its dog-days trickle before refilling as the leaves burst into their brilliant fall glory, waltz to the ground and die. We are almost there now, the hunting season upon us, yet fishing did cross my mind. I thought of it the other day when the brook was audible through my kitchen window for the first time in months, rushing water sweeping away summer filth along the banks.

Prior to last week’s downpour, which deposited seven inches in my neighbor’s rain gauge, the backyard brook was down to a pitiful level, not enough to wash a cat in, never mind stock fish. Though it never completely dried up like some of its upland feeders, the brook was as low as I’ve seen it, similar to a southern Franklin County reservoir I’ve known for years and recently wrote about. It occurred to me as I listened to the rushing backyard stream from afar that it’s time for fall trout stocking, when our hatcheries annually unload surplus fish into rivers, lakes and ponds for the benefit of autumn anglers, potentially ice fishermen. My stream’s resurgent roar got me wondering if this year would be different due to budgetary constraints. Usually, by late September, some sort of fall-stocking announcement arrives in my inbox. Not this year; at least, not until a midday Tuesday e-mail hint from an old friend who had spotted a stocking truck in Conway. He later investigated and, lo and behold, pulled a couple of nice rainbows from a popular spot below a scenic bridge. Great timing; another 11th-hour reader’s tip to fill this space and satisfy the hunger of diehard anglers who enjoy fishing under flaming foliage and its muted reflection on smooth waters, the cool October air a perfect caffeine substitute.

I placed a call Wednesday morning to our Connecticut Valley District office in Belchertown, looking for confirmation that stocking was under way. Yes, the trucks have been rolling since last week, will finish soon. Local stocked waters include the Deerfield and Millers rivers, Lake Wyola in Shutesbury, Lake Mattawa in Orange, Laurel Lake in Erving and Warwick, Sheomet Pond in Warwick, Ashfield Lake, Upper Highland Lake in the Goshen State Forest, and Windsor Pond. For a list of all stocked waters, go to the MassWildlife website. Fall-stocked waters are underlined on the district-by-district lists.

This year, a total of 67,000 rainbow trout with an average length of more than 12 inches will be released statewide. The allotment is split evenly among the state’s five wildlife districts, including our Valley and Western, each of which received approximately 13,400 trout.

The two rainbows my friend caught Tuesday measured 14 and 18 inches. He was pleased. Me too. Once again, this weekly space got filled with a little help from a friend, this one a blast from the distant past. He’s been after me all summer, wants to show me his wooded Conway hunting camp. I’m anxious to see it. That time of year, my favorite.

Harvest time.

The Greatest Gift

I have for days been watching small, bright-yellow, black-walnut leaves falling to the neighbor’s lawn across the street as orange-tinged maple leaves waltz like airborne breast feathers to my backyard. Early? Yes. At least two weeks ahead of  last fall, which I remember well.

Premature crunchy leaves underfoot should come as no surprise. Hasn’t everything else since springtime been two weeks or more early? Why should foliage be different? Likely, by the time leaf-peepers clog our highways and byways for Columbus Day Weekend’s traditional “peak,” most of the maples will be nude, the oaks turning red and bronze, more typical of November. Such is life, a higher power finessing the strings, answering to no one, beyond our control.

North of here, on the road to Burlington, Vt., Route 89, the colors were advanced, actually nearing peak, though still short of it, muted, many soft yellows, some orange, little red. At least that’s what I recall. Maybe there was some red. Can’t remember. It was tough to focus on scenery. I was distracted, in an emotional fog, cranial wheels spinning, traveling on a serious matter, no joy ride, a family emergency that’s consumed and debilitated me. Twenty-eight-year-old son Gary II, father of two young boys, is fighting for his life following open-heart-surgery complications in Burlington, Vt. I didn’t think he was going to make it at 2 a.m. Saturday, blood pouring out of his chest-drainage tubes, life-support his only hope. His will to live is strong. I am now more confident. Still, all I can do is hope, a day at a time. He’s critical but stable, a long road to recovery, longer for him than me. For sure, life can be unfair. This is a salient example, medicine and nature’s mercy his bedside allies.

Nothing is so painful as reality. The courageous face it head on. Others curl into a pathetic, clammy, fetal ball: fear paralysis. Gary took it like a man. I’m proud of him. “Don’t cry,” he told his terrified lover as nurses wheeled him toward the double operating-room doors, “I’m going to come through this. I’m meditating, am focused, know what I’m facing, what I must do to survive.”

He did know, had been through open-heart surgery at age 15 to repair an aortic aneurysm. Before he passed through those O.R. doors at 7:30 a.m. Friday, he started to sing a song he wrote, one he has sung many times in coffeehouses from Montpelier to Burlington. I don’t know its name or lyrics, but I’ve heard him sing it, have even seen his 4-year-old son sing along, so I know the gist, “I love my family, I love my life,” repeated in the refrain. This from a young man who’s known good times and bad, sober and impaired, healthy and sick, happy and sad. Recent years had been productive and happy until this sledgehammer wallop from the heavens. Or was it hell? All I know is that it came out of nowhere. A sucker shot at the supper table. Intense chest and back pain. A registered nurse, he knew it was serious, probably a heart attack. He was wrong, though not far off.

What he, in fact, experienced was an aortic dissection, excruciating pain, could have burst at any moment and quickly flushed his life. No time for medics or ambulances. Miraculously, it didn’t happen. He made it to one hospital, then another, where they hooked him up to tubes and bags and monitors, stabilized him, and ultimately tried to heal him with medicine, buy time for inevitable surgery, potentially weeks, months, even years away. But no. The day before his expected release, a CAT Scan revealed that the aortic arc exiting his heart had bulged to a frightening diameter, requiring emergency surgery to repair it with a synthetic replacement.

All I can now do is hope. I don’t pray. Refuse. To whom? But that’s just me. I view life as a sequence of choices, some crucial, others trivial, all mine. In the old days, tragedy victims believed they were being punished for immoral actions by them or someone close to them, mischief an unforgiving God did not approve of. I have never accepted that. Not for a second. I cannot believe in a vindictive, hateful creator. If revenge is what God’s about, I would rather fight him, openly defy him, slug him in the mouth, beat him with a club, sit on his chest and pummel him into the bedrock. I want no part of anyone, man or myth, who’d inflict physical pain and suffering as a control mechanism. That’s why I have always preferred to remain a flock of one, picking my way through treacherous terrain, alone, alert, resolute, perceptive and reflective whenever my world spirals toward potential disaster.

I have faith that Gary will again play his guitar and sing a happy tune, maybe about beating tall odds, being independent, playing the game his way and winning. No annoying rules and regs, no boring, self-absorbed authority figure to spew tired slogans, prod him toward deeply trodden paths a blind man could follow. Some prefer to blaze their own trails, and pay the price. They, if any, are to me worthy of praise and worship.

Perhaps it’s a fault, but I drop to my knees in prayer for no one. It has many times been said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Here, Gary is the fruit resting in high grass warming the roots like a bear’s dense winter coat. I believe we’ll beat this challenge, move on and thumb our noses at the genuflecters, the reciters, the jeweled choir singing others’ words in perfect harmony, more than willing to offer insulting pity to those who’ve lost their way.

I say to them, followers all: follow us if you dare. You may learn a lesson that isn’t etched in stone, taught in parables, memorized in hymn or prayer or patriotic pledge. Some prefer to write their own songs, cut fresh paths to old places, grooming profound borders along the way that sprout courage, intellect and independence. Such a route can bring confidence, humility, self-esteem, dignity and, above all, wisdom, the greatest of all gifts. Without it, life is dull and meaningless. Not worth living.

Not for Gary.

Woodland Waltz

My fourth cord of wood was piled high in the shed, air cool, morning sun bright … off to my favorite Whately stomping grounds. Eli Terry, rhythmic heartbeat ticking from his dining-room shelf, read 11 a.m.

My only worry was bear season. I didn’t want to get me or my dogs shot. But who’s going to shoot a man making no effort to conceal himself while walking through woods on abandoned roads, whistling frequently to a pair of robust Springer Spaniels? I guess I had no fears. Still, I’d stay alert, sharpen my senses.

The impetus for my impromptu journey was two recent conversations — one written in a string of e-mails with an old acquaintance and North Hatfield reader, the other an oral discussion at home with a distant Sanderson relative and Whately octogenarian. I had been thinking about the Whately woods lately, anyway, with the air cooling. So, when both conversations were focused there, I had to go, see what was happening. The time was right Tuesday, my woodshed chores complete.

I broke into Whately at White Birch Campgrounds and soon took a right toward Conway through what used to be known as Sanderson’s Glen, a beautiful, shaded woodland road through classic southern Franklin County hardwoods, acorns popping under my tires, beech, hickory and walnuts plentiful, woods bone dry. Up high, past a popular party spot for local school kids, a few trucks were scattered, likely hunters working woods known to hold a dense black bear population, especially this year with nuts so plentiful, fruits and berries, too.

When I got to the first T in the road, in Conway, I took a left onto a more populated dirt road, passing an ancient cemetery and a summer camp before winding my way down to a hollow, across a feeder stream and up a steep hill to South Part and the Stone Castle. There, I took a right at the fork headed toward a paved road a couple of miles away. At the intersection, I turned left and followed a large reservoir, eventually dropping down to an older one, where I caught many squaretails as a sneaky boy. After passing a quaint 19th century chapel, I took a right, crossed a bridge over the lower pond’s outflow and followed what was once known as Sanderson Brook, also Harvey Brook, along another dirt road. A short distance west, I banged a right onto a woodland trail, once a major road to Conway, now reduced to a rutty path through private, posted land; stunning landscape with stately hardwoods sporting faint fall colors along both sides of the road. On the ground lay tidy stonewalls, barn foundations and cellar holes, many of them, some possibly inhabited by murmuring ghosts reminiscing about the good old days, before speed traps, roadblocks, breathalyzers, lie detectors, sirens and flashing blue lights. Up the road a piece once stood the home of Isaac “Cider” Marsh, quite a distiller in his day; an intemperate one, at that. Why else would fellow distillers have called their 30-barrel tanks “Marsh’s tumblers?” Sounds like the man had a powerful thirst, not to mention high tolerance for his still-house spirits.

Anyway, I parked my truck along what’s left of the old Morton Sawmill, later Warner’s, and set the dogs loose. They burst into the woods, bounding, noses high, searching for scent. My only concern was hedgehogs, those spiky critters that seem to prefer cool, damp depressions like ours. Nothing can ruin a good day quite like a porky backed up against the base of a large hollowed out tree; dogs pestering it before retreating, shaking their heads, strange gait, flicking at their snouts with their front paws. Chalk it up as $175 to $200 a dog, maybe more. Never a good day. But there were no hedgehogs this day, just squirrels and crows and turkeys, many of them.

We got into the turkeys right after crossing the snowmobile bridge near my truck and climbing the road toward a hardwood flat. The dogs had already visited the brook under the bridge, where as a boy I witnessed many squaretails schooled up during their fall spawning runs; I don’t think they come anymore. Both dogs had been in the water, drank and laid in it before shaking off and running back up to me, timidly crossing the open-plank bridge and bursting up the hill. About halfway up the trail, the dogs lit up. I knew something was near, saw a turkey fly, then several others burst through the dense hardwood canopy to a distant ridge. Buddy and Lily pursued them a short distance and watched them disappear in the trees before returning to the area they had flushed from, searching for stragglers. There were none. The dogs had been efficient during their first sweep, scattering maybe 10 or 12 big birds, probably a pair of mature hens and their poults.

It’s tough to differentiate between young and old turkeys this time of year, because the little ones have nearly caught up in size with their mothers. They don’t weigh as much but appear by sight to be the same height. I whistled the dogs back to me and moved on, having already reached the hilltop flat with a specific route in mind, one I have walked many times, always enjoy, alone or with someone, gun or no gun.

We dropped into a hollow, climbed a little hill between stone walls and took a right turn around a fence and down a road that ends at the reservoir’s edge. That road likely once ran east to Whately Center but is now forever submerged under a city water supply, the impoundment as low as I’ve ever seen it. Well, not really. I do remember construction crews stripping that valley between two ridges. Remember it well. Viewed it as destruction of healthy woodland. But that’s just me. Many people today enjoy the clear spring water it provides, water I’ve heard and seen at the source, trickling out of a ledge on the north face of the forest’s highest peak, where few venture. I have been there many times, drank from nature’s dripping faucet while hunting big-woods whitetails.

Along the road dead-ending at the reservoir, I passed some deer droppings and also noticed tracks, old and new, along the shoreline. Last year on the same road, I found two or three buck scrapes and backtracked them west all the way to a brook and beyond. I never returned with a gun in my hand, but didn’t forget what I had seen, either. If no one shot that animal last year, it’ll likely scrape the same line again. I’ll check later, just out of curiosity. Never need much of an excuse to walk those woods.

I walked back up to the road I had started on and followed it a short distance north to a T, where we turned left toward the brook. The small, square cellar hole of Cider Marsh was on my left, the larger remains of the old Waite farm to my right. Down the road a bit, on the other side of a long, thick blackberry patch blocking the path, I noticed Lily rolling in something. Sure enough, fruity bear scat, light brown, slimy streaks of it smeared over her ear, neck and shoulder. Damn dog. Thank God she was riding home in the porta-kennel.

I shooed her off and walked past an old, broken stoneware jug and rusted metal gas can below a bow stand before arriving at a shaded brook pool slightly upstream from a decrepit wooden bridge swept aside many years ago by a spring flood. I sat on a large, moss-covered, brookside boulder, sandaled feet dangling in the water, beam of warm sunlight penetrating a small canopy window to comfort my mangled left knee. The dogs romped up the steep hill across from me, looking for something, anything, to chase. I soon whistled them back to avoid any “issues.” They responded by sprinting down the steep hill to me. When they entered the water to drink, lay down, I stood and grabbed Lily firmly by her filthy, stinking neck. There, I held her firmly in shin-high water while splashing off the scat. It would have been easier with a leash and companion, but the dog didn’t fight me and I cleaned her OK. Buddy stood nearby, watching inquisitively, wondering if he was next. White and clean, he was spared.

Chore complete, I washed my hands, wiped them off on the mossy stone and quick-stepped it back toward the truck, carefully skirting the bear scat by looping through the woods. When we finally got back onto the road, t’other side the berry patch, we again walked between the two stone-clad cellar holes, when my mind wandered off into vivid forest fantasy. I tried to picture what would have been happening had I passed 200 years ago. It probably would have been bustling with activity, and I surely would have stopped to chat with old Cider Marsh, cranking him up a bit, maybe Jones’n some of his finest brandy before savaging licensing agents or other authority figures, discussing neighborhood mischief, maybe even illicit neighborhood affairs. Yes, even then they happened. No doubt, Old Cider would have thrown in his two cents worth, too: the world according to Cider Marsh, scary thought these days.

The likes of Cider Marsh — hardy uplanders who vanished from these parts long ago, never to return — are now reduced to lingering woodland sprits, friendly souls who cleared, tamed and finally abandoned their farms after erosion washed away what little rich topsoil they had. Now a thin topsoil layer has returned to the forest floor after a century or more of leave decomposition. But Cider Marsh will not be back, nor will his neighbors. They’re history, their woods protected, never again to be inhabited by bipeds.

I descended the hill to the snowmobile bridge and arrived back at my truck, coaxing the dogs into their kennels, fastening them shut and re-entering the vehicle for the ride home. It had been a great day; short, sweet, solitary meandering. I will be back. Can’t help it. Those woods often beckon with seductive whispers in cool, southern, autumn winds. Call them ghost whispers, maybe even from Cider Marsh himself, who likely whet the whistle of more than one ancestor flowing through my veins.

It’s difficult for me to understand those who don’t know or care who they are or where they came from. I guess I’m fortunate in that respect; that and determined to discover more. Hopefully, my descendants, a great-grandson or granddaughter, will someday try to figure me out for posterity. What a twisted riddle that could turn out to be, even with a body of published work to follow. In the end, they may interpret it all wrong, or maybe right. One never knows. But who cares? The research is what matters most. Always alluring.

Not A Cougar

The call came shortly before1 p.m. Wednesday, me searching for something to top this space. It was from Deerfield, a man with whom I share many interests, the salient one being local history. But this was not a history call; he was calling about a handsome wildcat that’s been spotted many times this summer around Deerfield’s North Meadows. It didn’t catch me by surprise.

Fact is, I had heard about this cat a month or so ago. A friend called to tell me he’d seen photos and, in his opinion, it was obviously not a cougar, but he could understand how people could misidentify it as one. “Maybe that’s the explanation for all these local cougar sightings,” he speculated. “You’d have to see the pictures.”

My friend wanted to e-mail me the photos, which, for one reason or another, never arrived. Now, a few weeks later, I’ve finally viewed them from another source. My fresh Deerfield source showed them to me in his home office, in vivid living color. I concur with my friend: it is not a cougar. My most recent source begs to differ, doesn’t want to rule out the possibility that’s it’s a young cougar. I do not want to argue, just agree to disagree.

One of the two clear photos I studied shows the beautiful orange-brown cat lying across a large, thick blow-down tree, as if ready to pounce on something below; the other shows the cat sitting on the same log, alert and erect, hind quarters on the log, head and shoulders raised to about a 45-degree angle, supported by stiff, straight front legs. The animal has a few large, sparse, black spots across its lower ribcage, and the side profile of the head and ears does not to my eye match that of a cougar. The question in my mind upon viewing the photo was: Is this animal a bobcat or lynx?

My source will likely show the photos to a wildlife biologist who’ll give him a positive identification, one he may or may not accept. Unfortunately, the only indiscernible part of the cat in the photos is its tail, which is hidden behind the horizontal tree it’s laying and sitting on. The long tail of a cougar is its distinguishing feature from afar.

Although not visible, in my opinion, the photographed cat’s tail was a foot or less in length.

Pantheist Seeds

September’s here. The full August moon is waning; never really appeared till after the fact, when low gray skies opened for a splendid, cool, clear, sunny weekend, great weather for opening the barn and letting warm, dry winds chase out lingering dampness.

The weekend was special for another reason. Grandson Jordie paid a solo visit, his first, midway through this, his fourth year. It was fun, as always, bright eyes to greet me each morning as I sat reading in my La-Z-Boy recliner, sun entering through the parlor window to brilliantly light my pages, warm me.

We went off Sunday morning to an outdoor chapel he’s grown fond of, for morning services along the Green River, where I daily walk my dogs at least once. This time, after setting the animals free from their crates on back of my truck, I pointed out a three-quarter ghost moon high in the western sky. Jordie was confused.

“Ghost moon?”

“Yes, pale yet prominent in the deep blue sky; ghostlike; shouldn’t be there.”

But there it was, a remnant from the night before, lit by the bright, low morning sun. He understood. On to another matter.

“Grampy, can I have your whistles? We don’t want to lose the dogs.”

“Yes, of course, but make sure you keep the lanyard around your neck so we don’t lose it; and, please, don’t overdo it with the whistles. Lily and Buddy will be confused if you use them too much. Only whistle when they’ve been out of sight for a while, have run off.”

Again, he got it, acknowledged so with sweet, innocent eye contact as we made our way to the galvanized gate separating the upper and lower meadows. When we reached the barway, he turned for the path skirting it through brush and I stopped him, pointed out crimson poison ivy, said it was no time to tempt the fates. We’d walk through the gate.

“Oh, I didn’t know you could open that gate. You never opened it before?”

“No need. Poison ivy is most dangerous this time of year.”

“Oh. I had poison ivy on my legs once. It’s itchy.”

I remembered.

We walked down the compacted farm road into Sunken Meadow and traipsed through ankle-high ryegrass and clover, dogs romping through the Christmas trees and into the thick wild-rosebush border, now impenetrable to humans. The animals would burst out of the tangle, romp through the meadow and return to the dense periphery, searching enthusiastically for fresh scent to chase, their energy infecting Jordie, savoring the cool, clear freedom entering his lungs, each inhale illuminating his warm hazel eyes.

Halfway down our first straightaway, Jordie suddenly picked up the pace into a joyful, foot-free trot or shuffle toward an obvious destination. He was headed for the wild, swamp apples; curious, wanting to check for fallen fruit. How did I know? Because I had shown him the trees the previous fall and was able to decipher his unsaid object of interest. The apples were small and green, few on the ground, much to the chagrin of Jordie and the dogs, which devour them as eagerly as wild beasts when available.

When we got to our second bend, confronted by a choice between circling back to the truck or continuing toward the river, Jordie opted for water, where he loves to play, poke around, walk through the stream in his wicked-cool “water shoes,” Keen sandals. At the river’s edge where we always stop, a pair of wooden picnic tables stood under another large apple tree shading the high, undercut bank overlooking a now undernourished river creeping toward Greenfield Pool. There, the dogs scoured the turf for drops, eating many small green apples as Jordie, his T-shirt draped over my right shoulder, played in the river, alarmed about an underwater “crab” fleeing along the gravel bed.

“That’s not a crab, Jordie,” I told him. “It’s a crayfish that looks like a crab. Don’t be afraid. It won’t bother you.”

“What are crayfish?”

“A freshwater crab, sort of; more like a little lobster.”

“Oh.”

After maybe 20 minutes, I was able to coax the boy out of the water and back toward the truck. I used the excuse that I had left my vehicle open and vulnerable to mischief. I wasn’t really concerned. He knew.

“You have the keys, Grampy.”

“Yes, I know, but we still must start back.”

“OK.”

When we were almost out of Sunken Meadow, facing the short, gentle ascent to the gate, I pointed to a female sumac clump along the lip, large conical bobs of drupes adding splashes of red to the lush green wetland.

“See those red cones on the short, green, bushy trees?” I asked, pointing.

“Yes.”

“Well, those are clumps of berries. The Indians used to make lemonade out of them.”

“You mean juice?”

“Yes, juice, sweetened with honey or maple sugar.”

“Yummmm. That sounds delicious,” … his words, not mine.

When we reached the gate, still ajar, we passed through and I refastened it before walking a short distance to my undisturbed vehicle. Jordie gave the dogs several short whistles and the goldenrod shook before they popped out of sumacs and onto the farm road. They greeted us, ran to the truck, hopped onto the tailgate and, eventually, into their crates, which I secured before re-entering the vehicle. Inside, I buckled Jordie’s seatbelt, then mine, and mentioned that the ghost moon had vanished. I was wrong. He looked up as I pulled away and corrected me.

“Grampy, there’s the ghost moon, right there (pointing).”

“Oh yes. I see it, much lower, resting on the horizon, ready to disappear.”

“Horizon?”

“Where the endless blue sky meets the mountains, right on the ridge-top overlooking Grampy’s house.”

“Oh, horizon, where the sky meets the mountains.”

Again, he understood.

“In a few minutes that moon’ll be gone,” I said.

“But that’s OK, Grampy, the sun is up.”

“Yes, Jordie, the sun is up and tonight the moon will reappear over there on the eastern horizon.”

“Why?”

“Because, it’ll be a new night. Then, when the sun rises tomorrow, it’ll be a new day. A smaller ghost moon will again disappear over the western horizon, and the sun will later follow it over the same ridge when night is near.”

He looked at me, pensive, asked why. Not an easy concept to comprehend. He will in time. I didn’t want to overload him with too much in one session, fearing confusion, that clueless cousin of curiosity.

Who knows? I may yet turn the boy into a pantheist — nature, dear to my heart and soul, his deity. We’ll avoid Boy Scout and alter-boy discipline, nudging him along instead with gentle, independent instruction from a loved one he trusts and respects. It’s unlikely the boy will become a cop or a soldier or a Walmart manager. Too independent.

I do hope nobody claims he’s been twisted by an alternative path, destined for the fires of non-comformist hell. That would be wrong.

Hateful.

Ignorant.

Bruin’s Nest

I finally got the whole story from the horse’s mouth — a bear tale that comes at an opportune time, bear season less than two weeks away.

I would probably still be in the dark had not a green military helicopter disturbed my peaceful Upper Meadows neighborhood last week. Word has it that a State Police task force uprooted 400 mature marijuana plants before they were done scouring the swamp and hillside behind my neighbor’s home. I can’t confirm their take; only witnessed a couple of plants being lugged off myself; but my neighbor told me they got 400; could have been four for all I know. Quite a scene it was, a well-coordinated harvest-time sting by an eastern Massachusetts team, five or six of them, all specialists, nondescript, just T-shirts and pants, some Army fatigues, others plain jeans: a gotcha-Greenfield moment.

But back to the bear tale, one my friend and neighbor had tried to share a few weeks ago, following a backyard incident. When I started pecking at my keyboard during our telephone conversation, he hesitated, said he hadn’t seen the bear himself. He was just repeating what he’d been told by the man he hired to clean up extensive damage left by a June storm that passed through and wreaked Meadows havoc. Now I have the whole story, one illustrating the adaptability of wild creatures, however large, that have learned to hide out in thickly settled, food-rich neighborhoods. Such beasts feed when the time is right, lay back when it’s not. This demonstrates that.

The devastating summer storm that flattened large trees in my neighborhood did quite a number on my friend’s yard. Several tall pines were broken in half, some destroying ornamental plantings below, one crunching the ridge of his garage roof, another damaging his parked Chevy Blazer. What a mess! But that’s ancient history now; time for a more recent event, one that occurred last Thursday morning.

While sitting and talking to my next-door neighbor in his screened porch, you would have thought there was a manhunt under way; terrorists maybe. A low-flying helicopter was circling my immediate neighborhood, making tight loops apparently concentrated on my friend’s property three doors down. Finally, when the focus became obvious, I called my neighbor on a cell phone to see what was going on. Was he under attack? Suspicion? Did he need help? He just chuckled, said he was fine; I ought to come over a take a look; quite an operation.

I hung up the phone and took a short walk, helicopter circling above, finding my friend way out back. He was talking to a female neighbor and a few men I didn’t recognize, two of whom were there to remove trees and debris left behind by the June storm. I learned the identity of the third man when he turned to walk toward the swamp and woods line, where the helicopter was hovering, men scurrying about on a mission. The stacked writing across the back of his Navy blue T-shirt said it all: Massachusetts State Police. (Ooops, wish I hadn’t made some wisecrack about our tax dollars being put to good use. Oh, well, I guess I’m famous for gaffes like that, though rarer in recent years.).

Anyway, within seconds of the cop’s departure, a member of his party exited the cattails 100 or more yards north of us carrying a marijuana plant as tall as him. He was traveling east toward an unseen vehicle. The plant was reportedly one of many pinpointed by an infrared heat-seeking device aimed at the ground by cops from the airborne helicopter.

As we observed the sting and chatted, the leader of the tree crew approached to join the conversation, which quickly changed to bears. My friend wanted the tree man to tell me his tale. We were standing within spitting distance of the lair from which it had fled, and my friend thought it high time for me to hear the story.

Perhaps 20 feet to our right stood the massive, eight-foot-high stump of what had been a triple weeping willow blown down during the storm, leaving behind a mess that had to be professionally cleared. Three massive leaders had fallen onto the yard, the bottom ends laying in a thick clump of brush surrounding the stump, pointing straight as a preacher to the heavens. On the hot early-August afternoon of the bear siting, the laborers had already cleared most of the mess from the lawn, stacking logs for someone who had promised to take them, piling the smaller branches over to the side. That done, the foreman decided to tackle the three thick, heavy logs resting in the tangled stump clump, but first he had to develop a safe strategy.

After assessing the task at hand and deciding on his first step, he squeezed into the small oval jungle — chainsaw in hand, tall stump towering over him — and looked for enough elbow room to start the saw. That’s when he spotted something big, black, motionless and close that didn’t alarm him at first, assuming it was a stump or log or chunk of upturned turf. But when he fired-up the saw, the motionless black object sprang to its feet and bolted across the field to the woods. It was a big, black, burly bear, probably a solitary male that had lain in its lair under the fallen willows through a morning of commotion, close encounters with human beings and chainsaws, and never budged. The animal must have been feeding on the two nearby apple trees full of fragrant, succulent fruit, and it wasn’t about to leave unless absolutely necessary.

Later, the tree man, a hunter who has killed bears, went out to the apple trees along the swamp’s edge for closer inspection. Curious, he discovered another bruins’ den hollowed out beneath the fruit tree that was partially uprooted and laying semi-horizontal. Further investigation revealed plenty of bear sign: scat, claw marks and broken branches on both trees. Favorable feasting for the big bruin.

The opportunistic beast has probably been back to those apples many times over the past three weeks, will likely continue returning until all the fruit is devoured, picking its spots, people or no people.

Whether bi- or quadruped, they find a way.

Summer’s Slipping Away

Two large Japanese maples stand just inside the southern point of my property, providing three-season privacy from oncoming traffic headed north to the Colrain/Green River roads fork. These ornamental trees bud in pastel red and grow brilliant scarlet leaves that fade to a soft, olive-green before bursting into their brightest fall cardinal-red. They then shed their leaves and expose my white home like a beacon centered in the view from down the road. Showy twin harbingers that
differ slightly in color, the trees are today hinting their vibrant fall glory. Soon they’ll scream of winter’s chilly approach, a loud foreboding before all is white and gray and barren, the forest floor open to even the dimmest moonlight.

My Far Eastern trees are not the only signs of fall on the landscape these days. Flowered rose of Sharon bushes are displaying random yellow leaves. Ripe apples are dropping to the turf with their subtle thud. Male staghorn sumacs are sporting their pre-frost reds. The saucer-like Queen Anne’s lace have gone to seed — used for centuries as contraception — fists clenched and drooping as distant baying of flocked geese penetrates low, gray morning skies. Soon the report of guns from September goose and bear hunters will pierce silent mornings from afar, signaling the start of another type of fall harvest as the wheel harrow squeals through spent summer croplands.

Where has the summer gone? The same place it always goes. Nothing new.

Soon harsh winter winds will freeze our frosty breath to facial and nasal hairs. I can’t say I dread it. For what? I am a four-season New Englander; love the ebbs and flows, the hots and colds produced on our northern stage. I call it home; could have fled long ago; didn’t; won’t. It’s what I know and love.

Ooops, gotta go. Blue Sky’s dumping my first load of cordwood out back. One more sign that summer’s on its last leg.

News Snooze

Dog daze and cabin fever are afflictions on opposite sides of the calendar that infect a man like me. So here I sit suffering from the former, sweating profusely, thirsty, wellspring of hunting and fishing news dried up, little to write about before the first shots of autumn are fired. Nonetheless, I can usually dig something up to quench my thirst, not always connected to the sporting world, and not always appreciated by nuts-and-bolts sportsmen. But, to take a phrase from my late Nova Scotian grandmother — hardy Acadian French to the core: “C’est la vie.”

Yeah, I know I could be chasing down some useless bass-tournament standings, publishing doe-permit numbers everyone already knows, assessing turkey broods and deer herds in the fields around me, maybe even taking shots at the anti-hunting, anti-gun crowd loathed by so many reactionary sportsmen. But I’ll leave that to others who are content serving maybe 15 percent of the newspaper-reading public. How about the other 85 percent? Do they want to read about fishing derbies and the world according to the NRA? Doubtful indeed, especially here in the upper Happy Valley, god bless it. Here, folks seem more interested in re-establishing a Wolfe bounty and rejecting big-box development. But let us not digress … back to the subject at hand.

Last year at this time, you may recall, I was criticizing Tea Party thugs for carrying weapons to presidential appearances, then shared personal recollections from Woodstock ’69 and the Summer of Love. The e-mails came streaming in, a flood of them, about 10 to 1 in favor of eclectic subject matter, preferring writing to straight reporting. That is not to say there weren’t irate comments from the occupants of secluded tree stands high above hilltown oaks and apples. Feedback from the folks viewing the world from that lofty perspective went more like this: “What the —- are you doing glorifying hippies and criticizing gun owners in a hunting and fishing column? It’s wrong. Inappropriate.”

Oh well, if they say it, it must be so. Can’t satisfy everyone; learned that many years ago; reminiscent of advice from the journalistic mentor I most respected, one who left the newspaper business in his 40s to teach college and cast Molotov cocktails at cream-of-wheat AP news-writing style. “If all you make in this business is friends, then you’re not doing your job,” he bellowed after someone had “issues” with something I had written. Since then, I have always taken my lumps, dusted off and moved on, undeterred, aware that my unconventional ways are bound to stir ire among ardent conformists, conservatives and tiresome bores. Isn’t “conventional wisdom” often based on nothing resembling wisdom at all; more like ignorance, dreaded rule by the rabble that our founders feared most after watching in horror what unfolded before their very eyes in blood-gushing, 18th-century France. That was justice? Really? Thank heaven we’re all entitled to our opinions here in this cradle of liberty, valley of the happy.

Something else my long-lost mentor impressed upon me during conversation about education, credentials and what he looked for in an aspiring journalist: He said he always quickly weeded out the “high-achieving” students who tunnel-visioned their way to newsrooms. “I valued life experience over formal education,” he said. “Give me the dropout who went to war, suffered, returned home, drifted, found himself and took a job at a newspaper. That man knew what life was about, had lived it, seen things no sheltered straight-A student would ever see. He’d make a good reporter.”

I listened, took heed, will never see it any other way, regardless of how many honor rolls and Dean’s Lists the teacher’s pets of the world can cite among their academic accomplishments; which brings me to tales of the rare Frank L. Boyden-hired Deerfield Academy teachers who fit my mentor’s unconventional mold and still earn lavish praise. These men were adored by students at the elite New England prep school, but their likes will never again be hired there; not for a day, far too risky. Sadly, a new die has been cast, the student forever cheated, unable to meet unique, interesting characters with a wealth of knowledge to share, tidbits gleaned from seedy corridors off the main drag, then perhaps a good taste of literature. Very sad. A missing link. But, again, let us not digress … back to the great outdoors.

Two weeks ago, I was driving home on a still, sultry afternoon, traveling through a tunnel between two towering, fragrant cornfields. The strong, familiar aroma got me thinking that maybe bear season will be too late this year to limit significant cornfield damage. The fresh, sweet smell piercing my nostrils told me from instinct that the cow corn was ripe almost a month early; seemed to me a phenomenon more associated with late August/early September. The annual bear season opens on the Tuesday after Labor Day, too late this year, far too late. I almost addressed the subject when I first noticed it, but instead went off on Walmart, following an impromptu breakfast conversation with a veritable expert. Then, last week, I again considered the early-corn-and-bear-foraging subject before going off on a genealogical ramble through the wilds of Hawley; just couldn’t resist. So now, here I sit, revisiting the corn issue, ears still ripe and pungent. The bears must have gotten a whiff by now, found their way.

So, what to do?

Well, I suppose I could have called the state Executive Office of Energy and Environmental Affairs to get clearance and then speak to a MassWildlife expert, get his or her opinion about the impact early-corn maturation will have on bear season and crop damage. But why? What is there to gain? Do these people answering the phone in their air-conditioned Westborough offices know more than me, a man who has observed and written with attribution about this annual phenomenon for three solid decades here? Do I really need some canned response couched in uncertainty to protect a reputation? I think not. So I’ll just throw it out there and await the response from my agrarian neighbors, who will surely confirm my suspicion that bears are visiting cornfields early. Why? Quite simple: Bears gravitate to cornfields when ripe, and they ripened early this year. Duh! And to think I didn’t even need a gilt-framed master’s or doctorate to figure that out. Common sense was sufficient.

So, off I go, having once again dredged up something to fill this weekly space when the well was dry. I hope I haven’t offended anyone, especially my unnamed mentor who’s now old, seemed old when I met him. He warned us nearly 40 years ago — way before the Internet and iPhones and blogs and 24/7 cable news stations — that the future was bleak for newspapers. He thought editors and publishers should take a serious look at “New Journalism” — Rolling-Stone style, literary reportage he believed readers preferred — and toss aside their old, tired news style. That was in the early 1970s. The man was a visionary. He rejected the formulaic “Old News” model then. Readers are now following his lead.

Like the black bears foraging local cornfields these days, modern readers hunt for news that’s fresh and fragrant, with a dash of personality. It makes sense. Only the senile are drawn to swill-bucket stench when the sweetness of fruits, nuts, berries and maize fill the balmy air.

Common Ground

Sporting the white, cotton, “Old Hawley Common” T-shirt with red letters that I bought Sunday at the common’s unveiling—hint of bear scent wafting through cool, clear mountain air—inspired inquiries from some folks I bumped into this week in my travels.

“Oh, you went to that?” was a question by some who had seen the event publicized; then, “What, pray tell, is your interest in Hawley?” that seldom-visited hilltown nestled into Franklin County’s southwestern corner, population 337. Well, as is often true in my case, it all comes down to history, place and blood, often intertwined in a geographical setting where one’s roots run deep.

Although I am the direct descendant of no original Hawley settler I know of, a Sanderson great-grandfather of mine was among the original proprietors; not only that, but peripheral genealogical lines run through that landscape like its shaded brooks and streams. Throw in a direct link to the historic building I call home, and my interest heightens. So, I guess you could say that my fascination with Hawley is all about personal connections.

Hawley, it seems, was one of many “frontier” destinations for those defeated rabble-rousers who publicly supported Capt. Daniel Shays of Shays’ Rebellion fame (1786-87). After Shays fled Massachusetts in February 1787, he and his soldiers dispersed to the hinterlands, many touching down in Vermont and New York State, some settling much closer, in places like Hawley, which seemed to hold preferred status for Whately/Conway rebels, possibly because they knew or were related to speculative landowners who did not intend to live there.

Adonijah Taylor and son John were two such men, the elder an early Deerfield miller who established the first Roaring Brook grist and sawmills on a rise overlooking the Mill River section of Deerfield. Today, that site is located in Whately, below the lower Whately Glen dam. Fifth great-grandfather Deacon Thomas Sanderson, the aforementioned Hawley landowner, purchased the home and mill sites from the Taylors in 1803, and they were likely longtime friends. Taylor’s wife, Rachel Sawtelle, and my Sanderson branch grew up in Groton, arrived here at about the same time and were connected by marriage to the Parker family of that town. That Middlesex County Parker family produced Lt. Isaac Parker, second in command at Fort No. 4 in Charlestown, N.H., New England’s northernmost French and Indian War outpost and the probable reason why the Parkers, then my Sandersons chose Deerfield and the Canterbury section of Hatfield (now River Road, Whately) for homes sites. Which brings us to another Hawley connection.

Abraham Parker (1726-1757), son of Lt. Isaac, was probably introduced to the peaceful intervale below Sugarloaf while patrolling on military detail out of Fort No. 4. What was there not to love about that idyllic, fertile plain? By 1748, Parker had built a dwelling there, and four years later, brother-in-law Joseph Sanderson, progenitor of my Franklin County line, was squatting next door. Tragedy struck the Parker family five years later when, on Saturday, March 12, 1757, Parker drowned crossing the Connecticut River ice on his way to or from Sunderland (tavern hopping perhaps?), leaving behind five children, one unborn. I have never found Parker’s grave, but it is probably in Sunderland if his body was recovered, because that’s where he attended church.

Parker’s first son and second child, Abraham Jr. (1752-1837), was one of Hawley’s first settlers; his cellar hole is the outermost of nine identified sites along the Hawley-Common route unveiled Sunday. I met three or four Parker descendants, distant cousins of mine, at Sunday’s dedication. Their family had lived in the original Parker homestead for nearly 120 years, until 1891, when the dwelling and outbuildings were abandoned, soon to be cratered memories. And yes, all that remains today are dark, damp, stone-clad holes. I feel a certain attachment to those Parker ruins because more than likely Abraham Jr., fatherless before his fifth birthday, viewed Uncle Joseph Sanderson (my sixth ggf) as a surrogate father, spending many a day roaming the woods and fields and swamps below Sugarloaf with Joseph’s eight sons, some older, others younger than him. Uncle Joseph, his gravestone the oldest in East Whately Cemetery, died in 1772. Four years later, when Parker Jr. was 24, he set out for Hawley, where his cousins — brothers Nathaniel, Abel and David Parker — were also staking claims, plus, first-cousin and boyhood neighbor Thomas Sanderson, six years older, owned a couple parcels there.

Ah-ha, all about family ties, it is.

Now, as for the link between my Greenfield home and Hawley, well, that was a more recent discovery. The journey began following a brief telephone conversation with Colrain artist Hale Johnson, whose mother, Louise Hale Johnson, published “The History of the Town of Hawley” in 1953, the year I was born. When Mr. Johnson asked about the history of my tavern, I told him the last major “improvements” were made by Ebenezer Thayer, who sold the Charlemont Inn before buying my place in 1836. When I informed him that Thayer had lived in Hawley, it piqued his interest, said he knew all the Hawley cemeteries after visiting them as a boy with his mother. Then, after later finding Louise Hale Johnson’s book in Google Books and reading her Thayer genealogy, I discovered what I believed to be an error. Her profile of Thayer as a good businessman who owned a hotel in Charlemont before purchasing “the expensive Arms Farm in Greenfield Meadows in 1835” differed from what I knew. Because I had done the deed research to document Thayer’s purchase of my Upper Meadows tavern in 1836, I thought Ms. Johnson was mistaken. A trip to the Registry of Deeds proved me wrong.

Thayer did indeed purchase what was known as the Ebenezer Arms Farm in 1835, a little more than a year before buying my place. Then, three years later, in 1839, he purchased the Moses Arms Farm, contiguous with the first Arms farm he had purchased four years earlier. The cost of the three Meadows properties that consumed nearly 1,000 acres was the enormous sum of $30,000, which would compute to millions today. All three homesteads are extant, with the two Arms farms situated in the Lower Meadows. The so-called Ebenezer Arms place stands on Thayer Road, overlooking the long Greenfield Community College driveway and, across it, the so-called Moses Arms Farm, later Myers Farm, today Four Rivers Charter School. My property is named Old Tavern Farm; Thayer bought it from Samuel Hinsdale III and soon added a porch and upstairs ballroom for tavern-keeping son Hollister Baker Thayer, whose name came straight from Hawley; it was there after 1810 that his uncle, Hollister Baker, built a stately, brick, Federal mansion-house that still stands proudly in Pudding Meadow and was recently sold to an “outsider” for a tidy fee.

So, there you have it: a few of the subjects that lured me to the Hawley woods on Sunday and will surely draw me back. A new discovery in the Doane Cemetery caught my interest during a brief stop with a friend and neighbor on the way home. Isolated under a hardwood shade tree just inside the eastern stonewall border of the burial ground stood the lonely, flagged gravestone of Capt. Oliver Shattuck, who died in 1797, age 46. His Shattuck family has an interesting history, one that also weaves through Groton and Fort No. 4 to our slice of paradise known as the upper Pioneer Valley. I think I’ll see what I can find about the man. Who knows? He may even have been a displaced Shaysite, rarely easy to document these days. But even if it can’t be proven, you can usually make connections, ones that provide a pretty good idea of where he stood on the conflict.

Mystery fuels discovery, uncertainty revs the motor, spins the wheels, mine already awhirl and shrill. Before a man can truly understand the little world around him, he must first discover who he is. It’s complex. I’m getting there.

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